Hi, my name’s Peter, and I’m a Drive-by Truckers addict, but I hate sitting in circles in church basements, and I can’t live without my DBT, so fuck you guys [kicks over plastic chair], I’m out of here. Thanks for the coffee. I’ll need the caffeine for the binge this weekend.

Quite frankly, there’s been so much DBT news leading up to the release of The Big To-Do on Tuesday, that it’s even gotten hard for me to keep up with it all. For starters, you’ve got the webisode above, and that’s remarkable for two reasons. One, Cooley rarely explains his songs. He’s more of one of those “here’s the song, you fucking figure it out, or not—I don’t give a shit, there’s the song” type of guys, and quite frankly, his songs are always so badass, we all just say “Oh! Thank you!” Secondly, the video above is remarkable merely for the line “let ol’ Miss Trixie sit up front with her great big ol’ titties.” That’s so beautiful it’s worth quoting the quote of the quote. Hell, I’ll do it again, “let Miss Trixie sit up front with her great big ol’ titties.” Fantastic.

In case you haven’t heard by now, you can stream The Big To-Do album in its entirety on the Truckers page. I’d say it’s the best work they’ve ever done in the studio, and I’ll have a track-by-track break down for you next week, unless I decide that life will never get better than listening to this album and I off myself over the weekend. Probably not going to happen, but the album is that amazing. Honestly, March is too early to pick the best record of the year, but let’s just say anyone who wants to beat this one is going to have to make a pretty good deal with the devil, and quite frankly, I’m not sure you can ever make a good deal with Satan. He’s a tricky bastard.

Now if a masterfully played and recorded album would make you start to think the Truckers are just a studio band, you’d be about as wrong as dog lasagna. If you need proof, go see them live, immediately. Like buy a ticket now. If you’re not in Atlanta this weekend, and you need instant gratification (is there any other kind?), you can stream tonight’s and Saturday night’s shows at the Variety Playhouse on iClips. It’s not the same as being there, but quite frankly, if you don’t have tickets yet, you ain’t getting ‘em.

Also, the Truckers are on Letterman tonight. They pre-taped it earlier this week because Letterman doesn’t shoot on Fridays, but if he did, considering the way things are going for this band, I wouldn’t put it past them to figure out a way to be in two places at once. They’re just that good.

And finally, the Truckers have announced that they will be touring with Tom Petty this summer. I know, it’s like getting tickets for a package show featuring Jesus and Buddha, except with a lot more whiskey and looser women. Now I need to stop typing, because I need to use my hands to point as I shout along with these songs and make my rock face.

That’s the Cooley Bird logo by the Drive-by Truckers’ artist, and all around visual badass, Wes Freed. It’s the picture of the sticker you can order on their website, and no, I’m not good enough at Photoshop to clip the white parts out. Probably should take it off my resume.

The fine folks over at Blurt are reporting that DBT’s Mike Cooley will be releasing his first solo project this April. Holy shit! I just soiled my pants in two different places. A Cooley solo project? That’s like that first cigarette the morning after you quit: you didn’t even know it was coming, but damned if you didn’t need it.

In case you don’t know, Cooley is today’s preeminent dark poet. He’s like Edgar Allen Poe, if Poe had been a third degree black belt on guitar, had stayed off the junk, and didn’t dress like such a nancy.

Keep in mind, the Truckers are also releasing two new studio albums this year and full length documentary, and last year they released Patterson’s solo album, a studio album, a Grammy-winning album with Booker T, and a live CD and DVD. Jesus Christ, I’m lazy. You’re lazy. We’re all a bunch of good for nothing lazy turds next to these guys. Shit, even Tiger Woods looks like a card-carrying roustabout that doesn’t do anything or anyone next to the Truckers.

Cooley told Blurt:

“It’s not an album, it’s not a full-length record. It’s not even an EP,” he says. “There’s no way I can describe it. You’ll think I’m fucking with you if I start describing it. You’ll just have to see. The only thing I’ll tell you is this – it’s high art.”

High art? Well, as long as it’s not a Polaroid of his balls, I’ll be fucking stoked.

Just in case those god damned earthquakes in Haiti haven’t been enough to make you grateful for what you’ve got, maybe this new accoustic track from Patterson Hood will make your quality of life seem more tangible, at least related to previous generations of Americans and what they’ve been through.

Granted, you’re APR probably does suck fat, sweaty, blue-blooded banker balls, but the amount of flour you can consume in a week isn’t rationed by the government—although a butter ration may not be the worst thing for this country right now, well for everyone except me.

Grocery prices may be up and tomatoes may not have flavor anymore, but 100 million acres of farm soil hasn’t eroded and turned to dust—then again, now that I think of it, this tomato thing is really pissing me off. But still, flavorless, genetically altered tomatoes may get us down, but it’s no Great Depression—more like a Great Annoyance. At least so far.

I’m not saying things aren’t really shitty now, but we’ve still got it good… enough, I think. Well, fuck if I know. I guess it’s not really a competition for the superlative. My point is, people have been through tough shit before, but they always found a way to clear out their bowels.

Listen to “Depression Era” by Patterson and see if you can figure something out. My take is, we need to toughen up, stop complaining, and wait until we’re older and the world changes again before we kill someone just because shit ain’t right—though it’ll be a pretty long list by the time I hit my 80’s.

Patterson’s got it up as a free download on his page, here.

I’ve been a Cracker fan since, well, since before I did all those things that make it hard to remember stuff, and God knows I’m a huge fan of anything Patterson does. After the making it through the year of Bromance, it’s nice to hear a song about what guy friendship is really about: I won’t fuck your ex; if you can still move one of your legs, I’ll help you walk home; and I might even put a blanket on you when you pass out, if the dog ain’t sleeping on it.